Liam Payne’s sister Ruth has shared a heartbreaking tribute to the singer on the one year anniversary of his death on Instagram on Thursday.
The singer died aged 31 after falling from a hotel balcony in Argentina in October 2024, and a subsequent toxicology report revealed alcohol, cocaine and a prescription antidepressant in his system.
Since the tragic death, Ruth has shared a series of tributes to her younger brother but on the anniversary she shed a light on her grief.
Ruth, who shared a sweet family photo as well as a picture of Liam dressed as a pirate, said she has been ‘paralysed’ by the grief as she reflected on how ‘cruel’ life can be.
Ruth wrote: ‘1year, 12months, 52weeks, 365days… whichever way I say it, it still means the most heartbreaking truth that you’re not here any more.
‘When you used to go away on tour, and l’d cry that you’d be gone for a while, I always knew you’d come back, but now I can’t get you home, I can’t meet up with you somewhere in the world, I can’t facetime or text to see how you’re doing, it’s an eternal homesick feeling because we can’t go back.’
Liam Payne ‘s sister Ruth has shared a heartbreaking tribute to the singer on the one year anniversary of his death on Instagram on Thursday
The singer died aged 31 after falling from a hotel balcony in Argentina, and a subsequent toxicology report revealed alcohol, cocaine and a prescription antidepressant in his system
She continued: ‘I underestimated grief, woah did I underestimate it. I am paralysed by it daily. I thought I had felt it before but I know the losses before you were just intense sadness, you are the loss of my life, the one person who l will miss at every single occasion in my life.
‘I’d taken for granted that my little brother would be there through life, what a cruel lesson to learn in our 30s, that a sibling is not guaranteed to be a lifer, that I have to face this without you.’
Ruth said that Liam’s death ‘will never make sense’ to her and revealed that she has a ‘reoccurring nightmare’ reliving his final minutes in the hotel room.
She said: ‘Your death will never make sense, no matter how much I study it, whatever angle I look at it, it never makes sense. You shouldn’t have died.
‘I have a reoccurring nightmare where I am in your hotel room just before it happened and you can’t hear me screaming for you, my brain is locked on your last minutes on this earth, the unaccounted minutes, the minutes I will never have the answers to, the minutes that changed everything’
Reflecting on the last 12 months without the One Direction star, Ruth revealed that Liam’s son Bear, who he shared with ex Cheryl Tweedy, has ‘changed massively’.
She wrote: ‘So much has happened in a year, so much to tell you, our kids have changed massively, you would continue to be in awe of your son!
‘I’ve definitely got funnier (I know you’re thinking how is that possible right?!) – some of the jokes I make really make me smile because I know they would have earned me a ‘ruuu’ off you, l’ve visited some beautiful places but each place has confirmed, no matter the view, I will still feel your void from all corners of the earth.
Since the tragic death, Ruth has shared a series of tributes to her younger brother but on the anniversary she shed a light on her grief
Ruth, who shared a sweet family photo as well as a picture of Liam dressed as a pirate, said she has been ‘paralysed’ by the grief as she reflected on how ‘cruel’ life can be
Reflecting on the 12 months without the One Direction star, Ruth revealed that Liam’s son Bear, who he shared with ex Cheryl Tweedy, has ‘changed massively’
‘There’s so many things that have happened where l’ve tried to imagine what would be said if you were in the room, how you would expect me to react or handle things for you, maybe a, ‘Liam would love this’, or a lot of ‘Liam would be fuming this is happening’ but then the thoughts are followed by the emptiness of your absence.
‘I’m sorry I have not been able to keep my promises to you in the event of your death, it will forever haunt me how little I have been able to do as you said.
‘We were so naïve in our conversations about this serious stuff in how much of the law is in death, outdated laws we never knew existed where nothing is simple, why would we know about them in our early 30’s, the devastation just sinks deeper with every bit of you I fail.’
Ruth went on to wish she had five minutes to say goodbye to Liam properly and explained how she would want it to be at their home in the garden.
She explained: ‘I saw a post on tiktok that said something about if you had 5 more minutes with the person you miss the most, what would you do?’
‘I’ve thought about this a lot, 5minutes to properly say goodbye to you. It’d be at your house. I’d want to be in the room first so that I can hear your feet and ankles clicking as you walk towards it and then get that feeling of joy the moment you walk in, with your shoulders in the unique way they hang.
‘I’d then ask for us to go and walk around your garden, this was always where we would really catch up on plans and things that were bothering us.
‘We’d stop to listen to the bird noise, you’d say ‘it’s a woodpecker that is’ and l’d agree knowing nothing about birds. I’d tell a joke and you’d laugh in your kidish way, with that twinkle in your eye.
‘We’d walk round to my car, you’d quip ‘my father drives a jaguar’ (noone has made this joke to me since you’ve been gone). We would hug, a tight bear hug, the only hug that made me feel calm, l’d tell you how proud I am of you, not just proud of your job, proud of the person you are, we’d leave on the ‘love you mate’ and as I drove away, you would be stood waving in my rearview mirror.’
Ruth continued by stating that Liam’s death ‘will never make sense’ to her and revealed that she has a ‘reoccurring nightmare’ reliving his final minutes in the hotel room
Ruth went on to wish she had five minutes to say goodbye to Liam properly and explained how she would want it to be at their home in the garden
Concluding the heartbreaking tribute, Ruth reminded others that despite Liam being famous, he was still a ‘parent, son, and brother’
She continued: ‘If someone would have asked me on the 17th October 2024, as I sat assessing the giant gaping wreck that had been left, if we’d all get through this, l’d have said not a chance, the life of our family had been completely extinguished and even then I knew it was impossible to mend.
‘I think of my grief as a clock, I explained to you years ago when I was nagging you to be better at answering your phone, that my head was like the ‘Weasley’s clock’ out of Harry Potter, where it would check everyone in our family in before I could switch off and with you travelling the world, it’d really need your confirmation of being safe and sound before I’d settle.
‘Only now, there is a number missing off the clock, which means nothing in my days makes sense and it feels like noone is safe and sound.’
Ruth said she is still ‘struggling to regain balance since her world burned down’ following the stars tragic death.
She wrote: ‘You died which is something that happened, but your absence is something that happens to me everyday before I even open my eyes. I am now the girl who looks robins in the eyes just in case it is you, the girl who hopes the butterfly ahead lands on her in case it is you, the girl who says ‘goodnight Liam’ to the stars each night just in case that’s where I will find you.
‘Wherever you are, I hope you can hear me, I hope you are guiding me and I hope you know the love I have for you is infinite.
‘I hope I get the chance to be your sister in every lifetime.
‘For a year, I have watched people speak and draw conclusions on Liam and his death, a spectator of the most triggering interviews and comments, without any warning or heads-up that my persons death is about to once again be discussed publicly, whilst I am desperately trying to resume my normal life that doesn’t fit around my grief or me anymore.
‘Whilst I am still on my knees struggling to regain balance since my world burned down and every time I try to take a step, something comes and sets fire to all the progress I thought I had made in my mind, in trying to understand where or why Liam isn’t here helping me through this.’
Concluding the heartbreaking tribute, Ruth reminded others that despite Liam being famous, he was still a ‘parent, son, and brother’.
She said: ‘Everyone only seems interested in the public side of this, some sadly seem more interested in the fame they can gain off this, but on the human side people need to remember when they speak, there is a son without his Dad, parents without their child and I am lost without my brother.
‘Love always Liam, in every lifetime.’
Meanwhile, Liam’s fans were left tearful as she held a vigil outside Argentina hotel where the star died.
One emotional fan said: ‘It’s super painful when they judge him without knowing him because it’s really difficult. There are a lot of people who obviously say things like he killed himself and this and that. But they don’t know what’s behind a mental health process.
‘Depression is so difficult because I’ve also been through a depression. Then it hits me harder as we couldn’t save him. He didn’t have the support to comfort him. Yes, there was his family but many people around him harmed him.’
Liam Payne’s girlfriend Kate Cassidy also paid tribute to the One Direction star on Instagram on the one year anniversary of his death
Kate shared a message alongside the snaps, she wrote: ‘Today marks a full year without you here. I will forever hate goodbyes. I miss you Liam’
Meanwhile Harry Styles ‘ mother Anne Twist was a mong the fan tributes shared on Thursday
Earlier this month, the huge sum of money Liam’s family and friends have raised for children with cancer following his death has been revealed.
At his emotional funeral, Liam’s devastated family had asked those gathered to donate in his memory to children with cancer.
Now it’s been revealed almost a whopping £250,000 has been raised for Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital.
The funds raised will go towards funding a unit that will provide ‘pioneering research, cutting-edge treatments and expert care’.
A spokesperson said: ‘We’re so touched by the generosity shown towards Gosh in Liam’s memory.’
They added to The Sun: ‘Every donation is helping us take another step towards a world-leading children’s cancer centre — a place of hope which will help build the future of children’s cancer care and save more lives.
‘It’s a lasting legacy that will make a difference for generations.’
The order of service at Liam’s funeral stated that the funds would go towards building a new cancer unit on site.
It read: ‘Thank you for your donation to Great Ormond Street Hospital Charity in memory of our friend Liam Payne.
‘Your donation today will continue Liam’s legacy by helping to build a brand new Children’s Cancer Centre at Great Ormond Street Hospital.
‘This incredible new building will help give seriously ill children childhoods that are fuller, funner and longer.’
Liam first found fame as a member of the boyband One Direction (pictured in 2012), and following his death, his bandmates reunited for the first time in eight years to attend his funeral
Meanwhile Liam’s girlfriend Kate Cassidy paid tribute to the One Direction star on Instagram on Thursday.
Kate shared a sweet black and white picture of the pair in bed with Liam kissing her cheek.
A second snap shared to her Stories, showed Kate hugging Liam as the pair were wrapped up during a winter snowy break.
She wrote: ‘Today marks a full year without you here. I will forever hate goodbyes. I miss you Liam’.
Meanwhile Harry Styles’ mother Anne Twist was among the fan tributes shared on Thursday.
The mother of Liam’s bandmate shared her own poignant message as she reposted the tribute from the All On The Board Instagram account, with the lengthy message.
Which read: ‘May heaven be a paradise for you where you’re safe and nothing can hurt you, may you feel the love from Earth in your new home there’
It was signed from ‘your family, your friends, your One Direction brothers and the Directioners and so much love to your son Bear.’
